I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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