I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
