Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Is it because I queefed?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize