they need to just BURY HIM!
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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