THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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