he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
