What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
