That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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