So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
