Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
