After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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