Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
