The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
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