shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
You smell like stripper and shame
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
