In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize