I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize