i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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