Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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