So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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