i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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