I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
zippers are such a cool invention
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
