I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
