we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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