The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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