I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
