put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
