Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
