I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize