just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
