I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
