my being single is dangerous.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
