If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
