I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
