Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
