I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
