the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
