Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Im part way to drunk.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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