Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
