lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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