Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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