I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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