cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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