what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
