you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
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