I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
