If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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