I'm really into asian looking animals
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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