Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
