I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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