You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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