I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
