I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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