Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You need a sexual gate keeper
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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