We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
