if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
