Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
