Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
