My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
How does one acquire holy water?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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