We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
