I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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