So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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