Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I am full of burrito and curiosity
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
