He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
