it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
