I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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