I wish I could teleport
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
love makes seman taste better
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
