is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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