I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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