i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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