p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize