Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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