i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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