Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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