someone threw a dead crab at me
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
